At the heart of many personalities and disorders is the fear of taking up space in the world. This is because we do not feel we have enough worth to even use the air, the area, the goods, and the happiness of others. It is as much a matter of feeling small and insignificant as it is a matter of feeling unworthy.
The interesting aspect of space is when one applies it to eating disorders, especially anorexia. One with an eating disorder physically shrinks his or herself, thus occupying less space. One may assume that this is a physical manifestation of the feelings of smallness and unworthiness that the man or woman feels. The person may, in some cases, feel unworthy of food or health, and thus deprive themselves of this basic need. In contrast, it may simply be a way to not love and respect one's self.
This often reflects well beyond the realms of food, however. One who does not allow themselves to occupy the world may not treat themselves well in relationships, putting themselves second and setting poor boundaries.
I, personally, struggle with this area very much. Feeling unworthy of taking up space, of happiness, and sometimes of life itself, I oftentimes do not treat myself with respect and love. For a small example - I do not open the door all the way when I enter or leave a room, physically forcing myself to occupy the least amount of space possible when squeezing through the doorway. As I mentioned in a previous post, I used to squish my gum into a wrapper and put it in my pocket to dispose of later, risking a sticky pocket, rather than briefly interrupt a therapy session or a conversation.
Exercise: Every morning when you wake up, stretch your body as large as you possibly can, occupying your entire bed, and state simply, "I deserve to take up space." It begins the day with an interesting thought and reminds yourself that you are worthy, you deserve space.
Do you find yourself feeling unworthy of taking up space?
How does this manifest itself, even in little ways?
That's really an interesting concept. I never open the door all the way either. In fact, most times, when somebody else is walking through and there's nobody behind me, I just pick up the pace a little and don't open the door at all, I just squeeze through at the last second and sometimes risk getting squished. I never thought of it in that like...it's just always been a habit. Kind of like at amusement parks, etc, when I walk through those little rotating machines that count people...I don't let it count me. I squeeze over to the side.
ReplyDeleteVery, very, very interesting concept...
♥Alexandra