Byron's home to a nuclear power plant, if you're not familiar with the area. They were huge, pretty damn cool. I took some pictures on the way and trespassed where I wasn't supposed to go, near an old, run-down barn. It was screaming at me to stop and take pictures. I had to.
I had been 10 days, no restricting, until yesterday (I didn't eat a bun on my veggie burger) at a grad party. I should have been able to do it, but I won't blame myself; in the moment, I was weak and unable. Regardless, I still consider myself in recovery for nearly two weeks now. One slip doesn't constitute a loss, nor does it negate all of my hard work up until this point.
Physically, I feel great; mentally, I'm bored and lonely. My ED has pushed many of my friends away, and I don't blame them for it. I'm also struggling with my body image as I begin to actually follow my meal plan and really challenge myself like never before (for instance, tomorrow is hamburgers and ice cream!). I'm proud but Ed is screaming at me and I have many urges to restrict. However, I have not tried to engage in other behaviors, which is a huge step and something with which I used to struggle.
I would like to try more organic/natural foods, and not necessarily safe ones (for example, almond butter). Quinoa is something I'd like to incorporate into my meal plan for the next week when I meet with my dietitian tomorrow. Hopefully, my weight didn't go down and I've been really doing as well as I think I am.
Kirsten
Hi Kirsten,
ReplyDeleteI love quinoa! I make it with broth for extra flavor. I also eat it like oatmeal, with cinnamon/vanilla. Yummy!
Good luck!
Tanja
Kirsten!
ReplyDeleteFirst off love your blog!
It's really great to hear that physically you are doing well. I completely understand the whole mental part. It's definitely very draining. Just because ED has pushed your friends away, doesn't mean you can't get them back. It's hard for people to understand unless they've been through this. But maybe you can help them understand.
As far as body image..it's usually the first to come and last to go, unfortunately. But I learned something really interesting at a group I went to. Humans are meant to see everything in 3-D. It's how our brain works. The only time we see ourselves are in pictures, videos, or the mirror. All those things are considered 2-D, therefore no one will ever be able to see themselves for who they truly are. Who you truly are comes from within. (corny, but so true!) I'm really proud to hear you are following your meal plan. Just know that YOU are doing the right thing and every time you follow it, you are that much closer to beating ED! Also, remember..engaging in behaviors ultimately gets us no where except further from recovery. The more you keep challenging yourself and listening to the healthy side of you, the easier things will get!
I would definitely recommend almond butter! Or any nut butter for that matter. It's really tasty!
Stay strong! You CAN do this!
xoxo
Megan