Photography Update

A new roll of film = another photography posting.
My current PC background. I love how the black-eyed susan looks as though it's just floating between the other shrubs:



Lines. I'm obsessed with them:





Along with contrasting our normal concept of "beauty" with "ugliness":





And my favorite. I'm not sure how/why the blurriness happened (perhaps because of the humidity) but it gives it a nostalgic feel, which I love:



How do you relate to others? Through art, activities, sports, or other forms of expression?

Thrill-Seeking

I was taking a meditative walk today, thinking of the nature of people. What I now recognize is that everyone is a thrill-seeker, as everyone is seeking that perfect high. This sense of thrill, this high, can be achieved by everything from substances(food,caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, illicit substances) to exercise (running, weight-lifting) to rides (fast cars, roller coasters) to hobbies (music, writing, art). These may not all seem like "thrills" in the common sense of the word, but for enthusiasts, they definitely fulfill the need for a high.

An interesting example of this side of everyone's personality is police officers and criminals. Both are very similar: they derive a thrill from their work. However, society states that one is better than the other because of which side of the law on which they are.

It's interesting to ponder where we derive our thrills from. Sometimes they are in line with our morals and the morals of society, and sometimes they do not.

Where do you derive your sense of thrill? From where do you get your "high"?

The Terrible Horrible Thing

I have a terrible, horrible, thing that won't go away. It's called my body, and I won't go into detail as to how I do not like it, as we all know how difficult body image is to conquer. Here, Web MD discusses body image, especially in women. Body image is a topic my therapist and I discussed last Monday. Here are some tips to building better body image:

1. "Well, that's uncomfortable..."
Next time your jeans don't sit just right or your shirt feels a bit tight, just say to yourself "That's uncomfortable," and adjust. Then...

2. Stop the negative thoughts
Immediately. Just cut them short, or even say "stop!" out loud if you must. This ends the loop before it begins.

3. Disagree and Disobey
If you've ever read Life Without Ed you'll know what I'm talking about. Disagree with the negative thought (say: "No I don't believe...) and disobey the thought and do not let it affect your behaviors for the rest of the day.

Even if you still believe the negative thought, the most important thing is that it does not affect your eating disorder behaviors. Additionally, research shows that as you approach your ideal body weight, the negative and unrealistic thoughts lessen. Just another reason to follow your meal plan and gain weight (if that's a part of your recovery): body image may actually improve.

Yesterday I stumbled upon this article. It essentially relates that those who believe that they aren't selling out - namely "rebels" such as the beatniks, goths, punks, and hipsters of each generation - actually are selling out to consumerism. This is because no one can truly rebel against society unless they completely get themselves off the grid; that is to say, completely remove themselves from all of society. By succumbing to the want to "not sell out", these so-called rebel groups have sold out to consumerism. Where do they buy their black skinny jeans and organic foods and vintage records? Stores; hence, they have sold out to consumerism. Once again, unless one completely removes themselves from society, they are still selling out to consumerism and societal norms.

That's my musing for today.



Recovery-wise, things have been going fairly decently. I've been eating a lot of oatmeal lately, which I love, but it's difficult to not get into a rut with my food choices by choosing the same thing over and over again. After meeting with my dietitian, we decided to plan out my breakfasts and my snacks for the next few days in order to keep me on track and keep me challenging myself. This morning, I had oatmeal plus frozen french toast, among other things. Tomorrow: eggs and pancakes. I wish I had the patience to cook homemade breakfasts daily, but alas, I do not.

What do you think about "selling out"?
How do you keep yourself from eating the same foods over and over?

I thought I'd share some photography from my "adventures" to Byron and the forest preserve. My personal favorite:



I like experimenting with the theme of society and nature; specifically, nature overtaking man's creations and reclaiming them:



And of course, simple, beautiful things:



And interesting textures:



It's nice to share some "normal" (whatever normal means) things every once in a while rather than recovery-related topics in order to keep focused on my hobbies and to not define myself by my eating disorder. Photography is one of those hobbies, as is poetry and music. Much of my writing can be found here at Hello Poetry.

Recovery-wise, things have been going well. I'm experimenting with new foods and even tried my hand at cooking tofu, which turned out decently. Garlic-lime tofu with grapes, salad, and corn:



And I had oatmeal for the first time in a long time:




What defines you? Who are you without your eating disorder?